Food helps me so much. Not just for nutrients, but whenever I am sad or happy, food either fuels the happiness or comforts the sadness. It’s not news that many people eat when they’re sad and upset (or happy I guess. But I only crave a galleon of ice cream when I’m super sad. Usually, I just crave a pint.). I’m jut another person in the world who finds comfort in food when something bad or sad happens. Although I don’t want to get into details about why I’m sad (I’m learning not to dwell on things and just move forward), I do find it fascinating how much I’m fascinated by food.
Cooking, eating, and even watching other people cook is so comforting and soothing to me. I love all the colors in food, crave the flavors whenever I hear people talk about them (ESPECIALLY Nigella Lawson. She has such a way with words regarding food.Nigella Cooks Caramel Croissant Pudding), and feel excitement when I’m cooking. Since I’m getting a little better at cooking, I’m becoming more confident and feel very much in control while in the kitchen. Cooking and food just takes me to a different place in my life. I’m not an expert in the culinary world or anything, but I am so eager to learn and actually cook. It’s one of the few things in life that catches my attention and usually keeps it (unless it’s watching Ina Garden. She might have good recipes, but I think she’s odd and never gets me excited about cooking).
I look at this Duck Confit and drool.
Eating food is a whole different thing for me, too! When I try delicious food (which is just about anything), I fall in love with it. My mouth starts popping with so many flavors and textures, I love all the different colors and presentations and trying new things gets me excited! I watch all these food/ cooking shows and just imagine eating everything they present–whether it’s a double bacon cheeseburger or duck confit, I want to taste it all!
Naturally, when I am upset and I just need to stop crying, food is the obvious solution. Today, luckily, I had planned on making Lime Bars for a small party at work. In the middle of everything, I found comfort in focusing on zesting limes, squeezing the juice, and mixing the rest of the ingredients. I basically had no problems (except for the zester being a little difficult) while I was in the kitchen and just focused on the task at hand. Then, while those were baking, I had a rather large turkey, pesto mayo sandwich, that I had intended to have half of and save the rest for later. But since I was already in a not-so-great place, I ate the whole thing. My mouth sometimes doesn’t like to listen to my stomach or my head and just keep eating.
I have such a love for food and hate when I take advantage of it. I knew that the sandwich was tasty and I knew I could eat it all. (Many refer to me as, “bottomless pit,” or, “garbage disposal.”) I also knew how much it would make me feel better. And it did. Eating the turkey, with the delicious pesto mayo, on nice focaccia bread hit the spot for me. But I realized after I ate the sandwich, I shouldn’t have let that happen. Although I pride myself on not being a picky eater (hence the nicknames), I think now is the time to be picky about how I eat food and the kinds of food I eat. I do attempt to find healthier options to have in my apartment, but with a low budget like mine, it gets a bit difficult.
My relationship with food is a great one, but sometimes I use it to get me out of a funk I’m in. I realize that’s not always a bad thing, but I know I need to be careful when it comes to that. I’ve considered various “diet” plans, where I don’t cut anything out, but decrease the amount I eat of a certain food. Because I think diets are silly and it’s all about moderation. But I really need to think about how to make this relationship satisfying and beneficial for myself. We’ll see what happens.
TheWindTalksBack 